Counselling and Dyspraxia

Maeve Halpin, Registered Counselling Psychologist

It is estimated that approximately 10% of the general population is living with some form of neurological developmental disorder, and for many people, their condition remains undiagnosed throughout life. The typical signs and symptoms of dyspraxia – poor short-term memory, apparent clumsiness, distractibility, poor co-ordination, lateness, lack of ability to plan, and so on – can appear to indicate laziness, absentmindness, or lack of motivation or intelligence. This means that that the person with dyspraxia can be seen as someone with moral failings, someone who should “just try harder”, rather than a diligent and intelligent person who is trying their best, while coping with an invisible neurological disorder. For parents too, lack of information and support can contribute to the difficulties presented by coping with a dyspraxic child.

While occupational therapy has been shown to be central to the effective treatment of dyspraxia, accessing emotional support can be just as vital. Supportive counselling can be another useful tool in the management of dyspraxia, for both parents and adults, in that it allows for the processing and integration of the emotional aspects of the condition. The counsellor provides a confidential and non-judgemental place to express feelings, to develop strategies and tactics for dealing with symptoms, to acknowledge strengths and to find practical and effective ways of building self-esteem, self-awareness and coping skills.

Parents with a dyspraxic child

The normal demands of parenthood are greatly exacerbated by the challenges of caring for a child with dyspraxia. A dyspraxic baby can be irritable, with poor sleeping and eating patterns, causing stress and anxiety for parents. A dyspraxic child may be slower to meet the development milestones of childhood such as crawling, walking, vocalising and dressing. They may need more support than other children of their age, requiring more attention from parents, teachers and other carers. The dyspraxic child may have difficulty remembering instructions and requests, and ask the same question repeatedly, causing frustration to others. As they progress through the school system, their performance may be below that of their peers, due to poor organisational and planning skills. Sometimes brothers and sisters resent the extra attention their dyspraxic sibling receives, or they lose patience with them, leaving them out of games and activities. The burden of achievement for the family may fall on the children without dyspraxia, and they feel they have to do well to make up for the “failings” of their underachieving brother or sister.

The dynamics of the family are therefore complicated by the presence of a child with dyspraxia. This can produce on-going stress for parents, not least when they disagree on how to handle the situation, as will inevitable happen at times. When a diagnosis is made in later childhood or in adulthood, parents can feel guilty for being impatient or angry with a child whom they thought was just being unco-operative, lazy or bold. The inability to find effective help for the dyspraxic child can also cause immense frustration for parents.

It is important that parents are open to accessing support and advice for themselves as well as for their child. Among the repertoire of supports that includes online forums, websites, literature, support groups and medical intervention, counselling should be included as a resource which can be very beneficial for parents who are coping with the demands of having a dyspraxic child. Counselling provides the opportunity to discuss problems and offload feelings in a confidential, private one-to-one setting, helping parents to develop alternative ways of dealing with challenging situations. Parents can attend individually or as a couple, and their own relationship can be a focus as much as their relationship with their child.

Adults with dyspraxia

The diagnosis of dyspraxia often comes as an enormous relief to the dyspraxic adult, finally explaining their experience of never “fitting in” in the world. However, low self-esteem, poor self confidence, depression and anxiety, social isolation and loneliness, drug and alcohol abuse, and chronic stress can be the legacy of a life of undiagnosed dyspraxia. Their CV might reflect an erratic career of underachievement. In close relationships, the dyspraxic person may be more vulnerable to abuse or violence. Shame and guilt can accompany their feeling of being different, and of not being able to participate as an equal in the world.

It can be extremely helpful to the adult with dyspraxia to find a supportive place to share and process their experiences, to learn to identify and nurture their strengths, and to consolidate their sense of themselves. Help with stress management and relaxation, communication skills, CV preparation and interview skills, and with planning and organisation can be invaluable. It has been suggested that people with dyspraxia possess particular skills in certain areas, and that these are masked by difficulties in the more practical areas of life. For instance, dyspraxic people can have a great empathy for others, especially those in need, and this can relate to both people and animals. They have the ability to see the world in an original way, and so can be creative and expressive. Adults living with dyspraxia can have a high verbally ability, which helps them to develop a sense of humour in adversity. They can be hard working and determined to succeed in overcoming the obstacles that they find themselves confronted by. This can make them resourceful and practical, with exceptional problem-solving skills. 

The experience of counselling can be a liberating one for the dyspraxic adult, allowing them to explore their sense of themselves in the world in a caring and confidential setting. Counselling facilitates the development of new strategies for living, opens up options and new perspectives, and contributes to the emergence of a more positive self-image. With assistance in overcoming the everyday obstacles that make life problematic for the dyspraxic person, they have the potential to express their unique abilities and strengths in a productive way.

Misconceptions about counselling

Unfortunately, many people who would benefit from counselling do not do so due to misconceptions about what it entails. Attending a counsellor does not mean that you are not able to cope, nor is it a sign of weakness. There are no tests or questionnaires to complete, or forms to fill out. It is simply a confidential, private opportunity to speak to an objective, professional person in a one-to-one setting. Often just a few sessions are enough to gain some new insight into how to deal with your situation, or to relieve the burden of negative feelings. Research shows that a combined multidisciplinary treatment approach is the most effective way to deal with dyspraxia, and counselling can offer essential support as part of an overall dyspraxia management plan, both for parents and for adults living with dyspraxia.

Maeve Halpin, M.A., M. Phil., Dip. Couns. Psych., Reg. Psychol. PsSI.

Private Counselling Practice for adults (over 18's), individuals and couples:

No 122, Ranelagh Road, Dublin 6.

Accesible premises available at :

Carmelite Community Centre,

Aungier St., Dublin 2.

Contact: 087-2877837